Relationship Therapy Just Might Save Your Life
- Philip Lewis, MA, LMFT, CGP, PLGS
- Apr 22
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 24
Throughout history, humans have tirelessly searched for the ultimate secret to eternal youth.
We’ve tried every imaginable powder, lotion, process, and potion—hot saunas, cold plunges, hot and cold yoga, even blood transfusions, and “vampire” facials. None has meaningfully delayed the aging process.
That is, until now.
The key to living longer isn’t just whether or not you smoke, eat too much, get drunk on weekends, go to Pilates every day, or skip the gym entirely.
Don’t get me wrong—making healthy choices is great for your body and mind. But those lifestyle changes aren’t what most influence how long you live.
The secret is in your relationships.
That’s right! Put simply, the single greatest predictor of longevity is the quality and strength of your close relationships. The science is very clear on this, so it’s not really a “secret”.
Let me explain.
Being Single Can Hurt—Literally
Humans are hardwired to connect. In fact, scholars say social contact with other people is as essential to your survival as food and water.[1]
But today’s social climate—rife with conflict and uncertainty—ends up driving people apart, rather than together. According to the American Psychological Association’s Survey of Stress in America, last year most adults didn’t get the emotional support they needed.[2]
We are more stressed out, overworked, and under-appreciated than ever before. Philip Lewis Relationship Therapist
And singles feel it most—regardless of how they ended up there (e.g., never married, separated, divorced, or widowed).
Psychological studies suggest that without the support of a close, significant partner, you end up feeling emotional stressors more intensely. Unsurprisingly, singles are statistically more likely to feel isolated or disconnected.
The isolation can be unbearable.
“Feeling lonely is as painful as being wildly hungry or thirsty,” says Dr. Susan Pinker, author of The Village Effect, a groundbreaking book about the human need for face-to-face social contact.[3]
Consequently, single people with high levels of loneliness are more likely to experience chronic mental health issues, especially depression and anxiety.
The lack of a “relational buffer” isn’t just emotionally painful either. A single life comes with higher risks for heart problems, cancer, chronic pain, and infectious disease.
“If we don’t interact regularly with people face-to-face,” Dr. Pinker warns, “the odds are we won’t live as long, remember information as well, or be as happy as we could have been.”[4]
Married Couples Can Live Longer
People who are married tend to live longer than their single counterparts, studies show.
Being in a committed relationship provides a handy, extra layer of emotional support that isn’t typically available to singles.
If we don’t interact regularly with people face-to-face, the odds are we won’t live as long. Dr. Susan Pinker
A strong connection with an intimate partner can serve as a mental buffer between members of the couple and the chaos and calamity of the world outside their home.
But don’t rush to the wedding chapel just yet.
A High-Stress Marriage Can be Worse Than Being Single
Whether or not you reap the statistical health benefits of married life depends entirely on the quality of the couple’s relationship itself.
Put simply, a relationship can’t help you live longer if you don’t actually like your partner.
In fact, when your relationship itself is a source of emotional stress, your physical and mental health can suffer even more than if you were single.
As renowned speaker, teacher, and best-selling author, Dr. Gabor Maté explains, “chronic stress, whatever its source, puts the nervous system on edge, distorts the hormonal apparatus, impairs immunity, promotes inflammation, and undermines physical and mental well-being.”[5]
Prolonged stress isn’t just an unpleasant feeling. Chronic psychological stress has a measurable, negative impact on the human body at a cellular level. Studies show that over time stress can actually age your chromosomes.
In a very literal sense, living in a high-conflict marriage speeds up the aging process.[6]
Likewise, the weakened immunity associated with a stressful relationship can lead to long-term health decline, with increased risk of heart problems and cancer, and difficulty defending against everything from the common cold to deadly COVID-19.
Fortunately, there’s help.
Relationship Therapy Can Breathe New Life into Your World
As a relationship therapist in Beverly Hills, and certified Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Couples Coach, I see the heavy price people living in high-conflict or emotionally distant relationships end up paying over the years.
Despite what some of my clients have said, relationship therapy is not “magic”. But the powerful changes it often sparks in your relationships can seem magical.
Can relationship therapy actually extend your life? Honestly, no.
The three crucial factors that actually can help you and your relationship live longer are:
Who you hang out with each day (the more the merrier);
Where you interact with them (face-to-face is ideal); and
How another person consistently treats you (low stress social interactions are best).[7]
What therapy for relationship issues can do, though, is show you new ways to transform your relationship into a powerhouse partnership that shields you from the vicissitudes of this volatile world, so you can finally enjoy the life together you have always wanted.
Adding life to your years together could add years to your life, too.
If you’re concerned about the health of your own relationships, finding a relationship therapist near you is the first step to healing. I provide in-person relationship therapy to couples and singles at my Beverly Hills office, and connect online with clients anywhere else in California or Florida through secure telehealth.
Click here to schedule your free, 15-minute phone consultation to explore if Relational Life Therapy is right for you or your couple. I can answer questions including:
How does couples therapy work?
How is Relational Life Therapy for couples different?
Is virtual couples therapy effective?
How much is couples therapy?
[1] Maté, G., The Myth of Normal (2022); Pinker, S., The Village Effect (2014); see Spitz, R. A. (1945). Hospitalism: An Inquiry into the Genesis of Psychiatric Conditions in Early Childhood. The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, 1(1), 53-74 (noting high mortality rates of infants in orphanage who were completely deprived of social and emotional connection—even when their physical needs for food and medicine were met—and suffered catastrophic decline in health).
[2] APA, Stress in America 2025, A crisis of connection, available at https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/stress-in-america/2025
[3] Pinker, at p. 13
[4] Pinker, at p. 6
[5] Maté, at p. 275
[6] Maté, The Myth of Normal
[7] Pinker, The Village Effect